Embarassing Moments

A radio station in Australia ran a phone-in competition to find the Most embarrassing moment in listener's lives. The final four were:

4th Place

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and started to run amuck. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she didn't start behaving herself, right now, she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma I saw you kissing Daddy's willie last night.' After this enlightening exchange, the silence was deafening. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank, with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard as the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.

3rd Place

It was the day before my 18th birthday. I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the telephone ringing downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a piggyback ride down to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call, we didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on as a whole crowd of people yelled 'SURPRISE'. My entire family parents, grand parents, aunts, uncles, cousins as well as my friends, were standing there. My girlfriend and I were frozen on the spot in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity. Since then, no one in my family has planned any surprise parties.

2nd Place

A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally Got up to the checkout, she learned that one of the items had no price tag. The checkout girl got on the public address system, which boomed out across the store for everyone to hear, 'Price check for Tampax supersize.' But it got worse. Someone at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood word 'Tampax' for 'Thumbtacks' , and replied in a business like tone, his voice booming over the same public address system: 'Do you want the kind you push in with your thumb or the kind one you belt in with a hammer.

1st Place.
And the winner is . . ..

This happened at a major Australian University, during a biology lecture. A professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young woman raised her hand and asked, 'If I understand you correctly, you are saying there is as much glucose in male semen as in sugar?' The professor responded, yes, that's correct adding some statistical data. Raising her hand again, the girl asked, 'Then why doesn't it taste sweet?' After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing. The poor girl turned bright red, and as she realised exactly what she had inadvertently said, she picked up her books, and without another word, walked out of the class. However, as she was heading for the door, the professor's reply was a classic. Totally straight faced, he answered her question. 'It doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not in the back of your throat'.

Remembering the Good Old Days

Photos by Rahimah.M

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I was looking through my emails and clearing off the old emails (something that I ought have done long time ago) when I came across this pictures of me any my Bruneians friends when we were chilling out at Arab Street. (in clockwise, Fahmy, Rahimah, Rena and myself) and Siti is behind the camera taking the shots. Well someone has to be taking the shots aint it. The camera doesn't function by itself.

Chilling out was an interesting affair back then especially when we took the opportunity of the precious weekends to escape from the confine of the training academy. Arab Street has been a favourite haunts for us as that was where we will meet to chill and puff our youths away, hahaha yeah you guess it, smoking Sheeha. It is an unhealthy habit but well it was an interesting way of passing time especially with friends. Armed with laptops on our right hands and the sheesha pipes on our left we will pass the time to the early hours of the morning.

Here, all of us were posing with my former car, sigh I miss this car of mine before calling it a night. And if you guys were wondering what car is that, it is my humble Mazda 3 sports edition which I have mocked up with an open hood for air intake, roof stabiliser, front lip and sports spoiler. Well it does turn people heads around whenever I drive it around as they cant figure it out whether they are seeing a Mazda 3 or a Subaru WRX.

Well, to my Bruneians friends, chilling out at Arab Street has never been the same without you guys. I will keep the seat warm for you guys till the next time that you guys come visiting Singapore.

Cheerios !!

Isn't the movies getting drearier?

Oh no, not another end of the world movie !. I was practically dragged to the cinema 'literally' at gunpoint..... well not really gunpoint per se but was dragged, begged and plead to follow my friends to the cinema to catch the movie "The Day the Earth Stood Still" starring Keanu Reeves. I supposed if it is not because of him I would not even give the movie a second consideration well maybe becuase of my friends persuasion also and the very fact that my presence there was free of charge and that I need not have to pay for my movie tickets.

As I sat through the movie, I was suddenly hit with the sudden realisation that the movies nowadays tends to be drearier and are about the end of the world. Hmmmmm now let me recapped, we have Armageddon (1998), Deep Impact (1998), The Day after Tomorrow (2004), War of the Worlds (2006) and I am Legend (2007) just to name a view. The genre of such movie seems to have caught the interest of many movie makers in Hollywood who had predicted the end of the world scenario in tandem with the scientific community predictions that the end of the world scenario may come sooner than many of us would thought it would be.

For those that have not watched the movie yet, The Day the Earth Stood Still is about yet another end of the world movie. For those that have not watched the movie yet and would not want to spoil the scene, I suggest that you stop reading now, but for if you want to save your money and spent it on something more worthwhile, then I suggest you carry reading and dont bother running to the cinema for it. Just wait for the release of the DVD and mind you do not even buy it, Just rent it so that after watching it in the comfort of your own home and time, you can return it back to the rental shop before the expiry of the rental period and swear to yourself never to rent such a movie again.

The movie is about how a group of aliens who had been on Earth for quite sometime now watching and observing us decided that humans are not worthwhile of continuing occupancy of Earth. Our continuing wars and constant parching of the earth made the aliens feel that it is time for the time of man to end and for earth to be cleansed. Fast forwading the movie an hour earlier nearing to the end, human civilisation was once agains spared, like any other disaster movie becaused of 'Love' where the aliend "Keanu Reeves' decided that human civilisation should be spared after falling in love with one of the heroin of the movie... so predictable. So as the story goes, human civilisation was yet again allowed to live on and flourished to do whaterver we are so good at doing. Things remain status quo.

The genre of this movie has a stark resemblance as with any other movies of its genre family. Earth is threatened, human civilisation was in the brink of extinction, human civilisation prevails and earth is spared and America emerges as the champions.... oops did I just say that. Though the storyline may be different however the movie is as predictable as the other movies that came before it.

And how has all the movies impacted us? Hmmmm I must say on a scale of 1 to 10 one being no implication and ten being an experience opener that changes our way of living, then I would say, that the scale is tipped closely to between 1 and 2. Apart from the entertainment value, I do not think that anyone that had caught the movie brought back anything meaningful from it. We still pollute the earth, we still go to war, we still scourge the earth in the name of industrialisation and modernisation. The only difference that the movies offers I would think that the scale of the disaster is getting worst thanks the computer animation.

If you felt utterly devastated after reading this, fret not as this year yet another move of the same genre will be in the cinema called 2010. The movie is again about the prediction of the end of the world based on the aryan's calendar. I cannot wait how the movie will turn out but one thing for certain it will revolve around the same plot, the same storyline and the same outcome. Earth will SURVIVE and human civilisation will prevail. Why Hollywood producers do not come out a movie where Earth is totally destroyed, human civilisation is wped out and the next prevailing species is monkey, i wonder. For god sake, get it done and over with. Least there is a closure.

Why are we so Infatuated with Facebook

My friend asked me casually last week whether I have a face book. For a moment I was dumbfounded. I thought he was referring to my face being a book worm. Being naive as I was, I thanked him and asked what does he mean by that? What makes him think I am a book worm? He then looked at me perplexed and confused. The smile on my face quickly changed from that of pure delight to that of 'Oops I have said something wrong" I looked around at my friends who were all looking at me waiting for an explanation of what I had just said earlier. They were as confused as I am.

Not wanting to look stupid, though for that moment in time, I felt like the biggest idiot alive, I burst into a self made laughter and blurted out loud I am kidding. My conversation with my friend for the next few minutes was skillfully designed to solicit information on what face book is all about till I know what he meant was an online profile website.

I am not ashamed to admit that when it comes to technology, I am the last person to actually jump into the bandwagon of technology and immerse myself in the hype and rhythm of things. The rest of the evening with my friends thankfully went on without ever discussing about face book. Most probably my promise that I will add them in the face book closed the chapter solidly.

The same evening that I got home, I sat behind my computer with a hot cup of cocoa and log myself in to the internet. Goggling as I do, I type 'face book" and instantly was transported to the website. I followed the painless step of registering myself and opening up an account. Five minutes and a few clicks of the mouse later, 'presto' I am a member of the face book community.

To my surprise, being a newbie in the online community, I am instantly flooded with several requests to add me into my friend's face book accounts. Less than 15 minutes later I was connected to friends now and then and some that I do not even remember that I was acquainted with. But nevertheless they are still my online friends now. It now explains why I have been receiving several emails from unidentified sender informing me that I have a friend request. Those emails are actually from face book.

Two weeks into the face book community, I have been frantically hooking up with friends. Some I must say was of characters that I won’t even spend a minute talking to but yet we are online friends nevertheless. It makes me wonder what our infatuation with face book is.

We spent countless of hours behind the computer talking to each other and commenting on each other's walls but when it comes to actual conversation we could not last any more than a few minutes. Why are we so comfortable talking to each other behind the computer screen but when being faced to face words seems the hardest thing to come out?

Though I do appreciate the merits of face book accounts, I do not share my friends' sentiments that it connects us on a different level. It makes us reacquainted with our long lost friends and to catch up with the old times. Whatever happened to the good old method of picking up the phone and arranging for a meet?

Call me a traditionalists or a sucker to the nostalgia, I have always preferred to meet and reacquainted rather than getting to know people online. To me the problem with online community is that you do not really know who the person that you called friends are? So what if you see their online profiles and pictures? But does that really make you closer to them?

We are so engrossed in having more friends’ counts in the face book but we do not really care much about them. Our pursuit is to seek out but never to hook up. So is that the measure of friendship. Is the face book account a measure of how popular you are and by the number of friends that you are connected to? Is that the measure of how well connected you are?

I would think that the true measure of friends would be the number of people that you are always in touch with, those friends that you call regularly and meet up for a cup of coffee or tea, the friends that you share your secrets, joys, sorrows and doubts.

However, as the adage says, the only constant thing in life is change, I supposed then that we have to live with the facts that as we become more and more globalised so are our friends and the only way to keep in touch with each other are through the screen of your computer monitors.

My First Adoption - A Cat Called Ronnie

I have always wanted to adopt a cat after my beloved one of 17 years my wife that never was passed away. The day that my late cat passed away was one of the saddest moment in my life. Out of the sudden I felt a sudden void in the middle of my heart. The realisation that my cat was no longer with me only sank in at night when I twist and turn on my bed only to find it empty without her spread beside me. I have always thought of getting another one to replace her but the mere thought of getting another just made me feel guilty, the feeling of me not being faithful to her. Call me sentimental, but when you are closed to a cat since she was a mere one week old kitten to a cat of a ripe old age of 17 years old, you will know what I mean. Hell my relationship with her is even older and more lasting than most of the marriages nowadays. I bet it is even lasting than 3/4 of the current hollywood marriages, least my relationship with my late cat is cheap by standard and is not cluttered with the tussle and untidiness of couple dispute.

Months since 'belang' the name of my late cat, roughly translated as 'stripes' in English passed away, I have been giving it a serious thoughts of getting a replacement. Call it my weak spot, but I have always have a weak spot for a cat or any feline creature. The sight of a cat makes me 'awe' and ogle.

The decision to adopt another came on one faithful day of 8 December 08. As I was lazing on my bed surfing my facebook account, I came across a message on the 'marketplace' by another facebook user asking for someone to adopt her cat. As luck has it, I fell in love with the cat, not the user mind you. Though faith as it, she happened to be from the same school as I was back then. One thing lef to another and less than 48 hours later, I am the proud new owner of a two years old, health 16 kg cat. She is damn fat for a cat her age. I couldn't wait to see how our relationship will evolve. So far we are still in our honeymoon period and the walk is on a bed of roses.

Oh yeah I forgot, his name is Ronnie. Don't ask me how he end up having that name. I am thinking of changing his name since he apparently did not respond at all to Ronnie. Either he is ignoring it or oblivious to the fact that his name is 'RONNIE'. Either way in months to come I am sure gonna make him bilingual as my mum has difficulties speaking to him in English. The first bilingual cat in Singapore. I am quite sure that qualifies in some book of records somewhere don't you think so.

Photo Fun Mania

I came across this wonderful website and had a hell of a time to playing around with the photo images. The website requires you to load your own face picture and select any of the image templates that is available on the website for you to choose and presto you are famous overnight. There are lot more that I want to try out at http://www.photofunia.com

If Opportunity Doesn't Knock at Your Door, You Go Knocking At It.

How true is the adage above, 'If Opportunity Doesn't Knock at Your Door, You Go Knocking At It". The above comic strip was forwarded to me from a friend of mine. It depicted how a doctor, obviously suffering from declining patients visit devices a way of increasing the number of visitor to his clinic by casting stones to the shape of a ball. The doctor subsequently distributed the stones after having painted it white resembling a ball all around the city and went back home exhausted after his night time escapade. The following day, beholds everyone sought treatment at his office for injured leg.

Opportunities are everywhere… opportunities to do and be anything and everything you ever wanted to be! In fact, Bill Gates is quoted as saying “there has never been a time like the present, with so many opportunities.” Its almost like the California gold rush, only it’s so much bigger, because of the global reach of the internet and other global technologies. The possibilities are endless!

Everybody is “looking” for opportunities, but very see it and even fewer exploit it. There’s the now famous story of the two men who visited India together. Upon their arrival in India one of the men was so struck and rather appalled by the abject poverty of the masses. His companion however, saw something else. He saw an opportunity, an opportunity to shoe millions of feet and make himself a fortune in the process. This man is said to have gone on and established a shoe company which produced millions of shoes and made him a very wealthy man.

There are thousands of other similar stories, of people who turned what seemed to be somebody’s problem into a fortune, including the story of South African born Hotel magnate Sol Kerzner. Kerzner turned an Island in the Bahamas which was considered only good enough to be used as a rubbish dump, into what is today known as the resort Island, Atlantis.

Opportunities come disguised in many forms and shapes. They may come disguised as hard work, hardships, difficulties and obstacles. When you see them as opportunities and take them, who knows where you may end up?

Consider this: You may say I’m not going to knock on that door, because I don’t like knocking on doors. The person opening that door may give you the big break you have been looking for, but you may just have missed it forever. After all how could you have guessed? That’s right! You couldn’t have.

Ever heard someone say, “It was a blessing in disguise?”

There are opportunities to make money, opportunities for happiness but there are also opportunities for personal growth. Opportunities to discover what you are capable of, to turn weaknesses into strengths. Opportunities to help others and help your self in the process. There are opportunities to bless and be blessed in return.

Do you see all these opportunities? And if you do, do you take them? Or are you like those people who are ONLY looking for that one BIG opportunity that will turn you into an instant millionaire. Sun Tzu puts it so eloquently when he says, “opportunities multiply as they are seized”

People who disregard all other opportunity, while waiting for that one big opportunity don’t know what they are missing. They may in fact be missing the Big Opportunity itself, because you never know where every opportunity may take you, if you embrace it. However there’s one thing I know, won’t get you anywhere. And that is sitting in your comfort chair, trying to figure out which is opportunity and which is not.

So, here is my advice, try everything and test everything. So what, if you failed or if things didn’t work out. You have would have learned at least one thing. That particular venture isn’t worthwhile or the method doesn’t work. Don’t allow your own cynicism or that of other people rob you of what may potentially be your Biggest and Best Opportunity.If you currently do not see any opportunities… then you need to change your focus and look at the world differently.